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I went to a Relief Society luncheon today. We sat at the home of our Relief Society president -- a mom with 9 kids -- and talked while all of our kids played. I just find her to be the most fascinating -- yet exhausting-- woman. Her kids are very knowledgeable in the scriptures, they bare their testimonies on Fast Sundays, very kind and helpful kids, very structured household.
Anyway, in the course of our discussion today, she told us that she had decided to home school her 3 grade school children (mind you, she also has 2 or 3 little ones under grade school age) because she just wants time to play with her kids. I was speechless. I know several people who have or who are home schooling their kids for different reasons, but I was just amazed by this woman. Her decision has nothing to do with the schools -- in fact she loves the school and the teachers -- she just wants to spend more time with her children.
I really have not formulated an opinion about her decision, but it has made me wonder how much quality time I am spending with my own children. I've decided that I'm trying and that I'm doing pretty well. So far we have had an OK summer. We haven't yet made it to the public pools or to 7 Peaks, but we have:
1. Played a lot with friends
2. Had a couple of neighborhood parties
3. Been to the park several times
4. Been to numerous baseball games
5. Been golfing
6. Gone to the library
7. Done "mommy and kids school" (that's what my kids call doing school work at home)
8. Done yard work
9. Bought a fun slip & slide
10. Played with cousins and the rest of Nate's family
11. Spent Father's Day in the canyon
12. Practiced a lot of piano
13. We try to go on one "field trip" each day
As she was talking, my mind was doing a few things.
1. I was wondering if she was crazy -- doesn't she need some alone time after all that she has on her plate?
2. I was trying to tell myself, as I've indicated above, that I am a fun mom and that my kids really do like me.
3. My mind was racing with how expensive it could be to home school and to play with your kids all the time.
Well...item number 3 was answered for me as we were leaving. This woman -- a very busy Relief Society President with 9 kids -- was gathering all of her children together so that they could start their 2-hour project. She said that her kids owe her 2-hours of work everyday before they can do fun things. And she's very strict about it. That made me feel a little better. She told me that a lot of her together time with her children was in teaching them how to work and different things like that -- not necessarily expensive field trips that cost money.
So, the coming year will tell. Will she survive with almost no alone time? I don't know. But I've decided that we are all different. I'm one who loves to work hard and to play hard at appropriate times. But I'm also one who enjoys a little alone time from everybody at some point in time everyday.
So...what kind of person are you? Do you need the alone time? Or, do you relish in the company of your children, spouse, etc. and can't get enough?
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7 comments:
This is a little crazy to me. 9 kids is overwhelming, but homeschooling??? Holy cow!
I love alone time, but I also love the balance. When I was working, all I wanted to do when Mya was awake was play and interact with her. I missed her so much, even though it was only 1-2 hours a night that I was actually missing. When I was home at night, all I wanted to do was sit and talk to Linc and not have other things going on.
Now that I don't work, I need the alone time or I get grumpy and frustrated.
I don't know how I will feel when she and eventually our other kid is in school as I hope to be really involved with their school programs But thinking about them being gone all day is kind of sad to me- but then I think of all the things I will be able to do that I have not been able to do since becomming a mom...
I think everyone needs both. We just finished our first year homeschooling and LOVED it. Life has slowed down so much since we are not accountable to the world. My main things were that I actually want to be with the kids, I want them to get to be kids. They grow up SO fast and I want every second possible with them. I hated that in first grade Jessica had hardly any time to choose what she wanted to do. We didn't play on school days because she had homework, piano, feeding the animals, AND I hadn't seen her all day. I just wanted her to be a kid and not stressed out at six. Besides that I didn't feel like they were actually getting the skills we wanted them to have because everything was 'have to' and we never got around to everything else. Anyway, as you can see I have a lot to say on this but it just came down to that I wanted to be the one that got my kids all day.
As for the breaks, it is just different. Now they are done with EVERYTHING in the afternoon so they get my best hours which are in the morning and then they are free (and so am I) they play or whatever and that crazy after school time is now our time to do what we want instead of me yelling about what we have to do. I am more willing to sign them up for things because we aren't "too busy." I am better about going to the adult things or giving them to Jimmy for an afternoon so I do get breaks and I am not so crazy being pulled in so many directions all the time.
Sorry for the rambling... but I definitely get this woman's idea. I can't help but think that Jessica is half way done living in our home and I can do this a few more years, even if it is putting more work on me for now.
It seems like women who do this just have the "mold" to do something like this. (afterall she does have 9 children right) She obviously is a patient person. I don't think I would ever be able to homeschool just because I love the interaction that my kids have with others, I think it is good for them to see what else is out there. I also think it is good for me as them to have some time apart. At least for my kids.
I am sure you are a great mom and it sounds like you do and are doing a lot of fun things. I like you tend to spend time venturing out to the library, have friends over and such.
I definitely need time away so I don't go crazy! My husband and I also try to go out once in a while just to have a normal adult conversation. It doesn't happen a lot due to the cost of a babysitter, going out, etc. But when we do its great!
Although I don't have children, I am the kind of person who likes both to be with family and times I love the solitude. I think that if I were to have children, I would be like you, need some time to be with just my books, music and solitude.
I definitely need alone time. I usually don't get as much as I would like. But I find that when I really haven't had enough time for me, I feel grumpy and worn down. Time by myself doing whatever I want to do at the time is what makes me feel energized and ready to tackle life again.
I read once that extroverts are recharged by spending time with people and introverts are recharged by spending time alone. I realize that we all need some of both, but this was like a great epiphany to me -- that I NEED alone time, it's not just something that I enjoy.
Clearly I'm not cut out to have 9 kids or to homeschool... but more power to the women who are!
I love all kinds of times...I have learned to cherrish time alone lately...and it is so exhiliarating....I can't imagine having 9 kids...it is nice that you are doing so many things with your children. We went to the pool today and it was kind of cool to see my 3 year old swiming all by himself...well with help of his floatie swimming suit....and my 10 1/2 in the tube...wow...we were there 4 hours....needless to say...after diner my 3 year old only woke up to get some milk.....
I am amazed by the overachieving mothers like your RS President, but I just have to believe they are more cut out for that scale of mothering.
I am definitely not. I need lots of alone time, but still want quality time with the kids. I think home schooling Landon last year was a great choice for us and didn't cramp my time at all. Our pace at home was calm and easy, we didn't have to be up at a certain time, we didn't have to be anywhere, and spent that time together in peace.
I don't think there's one right answer, but I think it's smart to evaluate your kids individually and to assess their needs and your own. Your RS President sounds like a remarkable woman, but I don't think we have to have 9 kids and homeschool them too to be remarkable as well.
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